Parent list No 2
Avoiding scams, social media bans, timely reminders, teen Xmas idea
Safe words & AI
Has your family got a safe word? If not you need one now. My teens tipped me off about CarolineShops here on TikTok, a thrifter who also offers sensible advice on being ripped off by AI scams. She highlights tricks which many of us Gen X’ers may fall for when it comes to getting smart phone messages from our teens.
The new AI apps (like Sora) are good at making clones of voices so if you get a call from your teen asking for something unexpected, money especially, it may be a deepfake scam. I fell prey to a WhatsApp scam from a friend earlier this year who had been hacked and I’m probably the world’s most suspicious person (I did feel very humiliated and stupid) so it is worth having a word only your family know that can be used if you get such a call.
The advice is not to use a pet name, birthday, familiar word or anything any of you have talked about on social media - pick something private to your family and don’t share this on the family WhatsApp, do it in person verbally.
AI has also ruined my affectionate ‘pebbling’. I used to send my four children sloth videos but AI has ruined that pleasure for me as the kids just keep telling me none of it is real. Damnit.
Xmas present ideas for your teens:
You all probably know this but a great place to get fitness gear is Vinted. You just pop “new with tags” as your filter and many top brands they love like Alo yoga, Tala, Gymshark, Lululemon, Girlfriend Collective, Varley, Adanola are there at lower cost than retailers.
Getting teen girls to enjoy exercise, movement and sport is a big passion of mine: research by Women in Sport shows 43% of girls who used to be sporty drop out as teens but when asked who inspires them most to be active the majority said ‘my mum” so keep moving parents. We also know 36% of secondary age girls say their period stops them being sporty which feels unfair. Have a look at WiS #timetogether campaign here and also this great YouTube doc by 17 year old Issey Kyson. Out of the race: why girls stop playing sport in puberty. The brand Wuka make some great sportswear for girls during their period too.
KLAXON: Advent calendar alert! If you haven’t got one it is December 1st! I got the two younger ones in time but didn’t get round to posting off those for my older two who are 21 and 23 and still demand one! And if anyone knows where I can get a dark chocolate only advent I am all ears.
Does banning work things work for adolescents?
Australia is banning social media for Under 16s from December 10. This may sound like a good idea but I personally don’t believe a ban will solve the problems we face.
Many news outlets are already reporting the ingenious ways teens will get round this ban in Oz, and I know from my experience as a mum and working with school pupils/students will find a way to navigate a ban. Then if they see something that concerns, worries or scares them they have no where to go to talk about it. They are unlikely to tell you because of the ban, so a connection may be lost on such an important subject. My feeling is we need our tweens, teens and older children to have better critical thinking skills and to know how to avoid seeing the things we wish weren’t online.
Perhaps we also need a deep dive to happen in schools as part of the curriculum so kids and teachers have the tools to avoid seeing that awful content, and obviously we need tougher legislation for the tech companies and more prosecutions more people making or allowing the content. And I know it feels reassuring to say my teen doesn’t have social media, but that doesn’t mean your teen is not seeing social media, it may just mean they are not telling you about it and may be seeing it in isolation with no support.
The panicverse which encourages repeated headlines about banning social media may be driving children underground with it, which terrifies me (you may disagree). Have a look at the work of Dr Lucy Foulkes, psychologist Peter Etchells and trauma therapist, gaming expert and author Catherine Knibbs as I think we need a more nuanced approach than a ban, which no doubt wins votes for politicians but does not, in my opinion, best support our young people. And I am not down playing the risks here just hoping for better research on what would make a bogger difference than a ban.
There is a new piece out this week on the decline in social media use among young people which may be an ongoing trend from Kyle Chayka on The New Yorker Why its cool to have no followers which could herald the beginning of a change in behaviour.
Hotel Chocolat have a dark chocolate advent calendar if it’s not too late