We’ve been holidaying with our four children for nearly two decades now. Staycations, glam locations, long and short haul. Often the dog comes too. And i’ve just interviewed midlife mums for a travel podcast. So while I am on our hols I thought I’d answer any family trip questions you may have. Everyone else I am related to is on screens so fire away!
wishing you luck - i wrote a chapter on this in the book and we went through a terrible time with our older 2 teens as we had to set the rules retrospectively which we didn't do with our two youngest. The therapist Lisa Damour is very good about how you do this on her podcast.
Thanks. I was even thinking of the simple things we used to do such as listening to music on the beach- now they have their phones to do that but can be doing so much more. Tempted to buy them all a Walkman!
I will listen to the podcast and need to buy your book 😜
Lorraine I know I’m late to the party on this but really keen to ask about the no phones in bedrooms at night. Is this just when it’s bedtime or from when they go upstairs? Want to introduce better habits to 14 year old - and myself! Don’t want the first thing we look at in the morn to be our phones
We ask that they don’t take phones to bed so never in their rooms over night until they get to 16 then it is more a negotiation and at 18 they can decide but they don’t usually have them on over night even then
Lorraine, do you not allow phones in bedrooms at night ever?! That’s amazing. I’ve given up with the 16 yr old but we are about to all have a week together and already I’m stressing about how to manage the wretched phones at night. We have 4 boys and I find it hard that the older 2 are on diff time zones, ie get to sleep around 12 or prob a bit later and want to wake up nearer midday too. Whilst the youngest 2 and myself are raring to go out. I guess compromise? Like the idea of cards. The 4 boy thing is a total pain as they are so competitive and just mean to each other 😤
I feel your pain! I have 3 girls and a boy but I have to say the girls are just as competitive with each other and the bickering was very annoying at times when they were early teens. I think at 16 you can say they could have phones in their rooms at weekends? I am less black and white on holidays as school takes it out of them and they need time to decompress the way that suits them. Cards games - especially long tournaments over the whole holiday always work for us, my 15yo son loves Gin Rummy for some reason which is the opposite of FiFa! I think advance discussions are the key - what you would like to happen each day, what they would like.
My 3 always had/ have to leave phones in kitchen at night until they were in 6th year ( 17/18 in Scotland) . Then like Lorraine with caveats of trying to introduce good phone habits before Uni . It’s a novelty then to start with and probably abused a bit but my son now 20 and at Uni is on his phone less as they prefer real person chat . I think the benefits outweigh the risks at that age ans they often surprise you how sensible and adult they are 🥰
How do you decide locations for holidays? I’m keen for my 2 teens to experience different cultures but sometimes it’s difficult to not just head for the beachside all inclusive easy option.
When we went to Sri Lanka for my 50th we did one week of activity and one week villa by a beach. The activity one first which seemed to suit them all (they were aged 6, 16,15, 12 then).
We come here to Cornwall every summer (I grew up here and my family live here) and we have a a day on and a day off eg a day where they come and do activity with us and a day when they don't have to leave the house if they don't want to. I try to involve them in the planning of stuff and every new years day we make an inspo board as a family of a place we want to travel too and that focusses them and I get to hear when they like.
So hard finding a balance to suit everyone and often I’ve felt deflated after a meh holiday reaction and all the planning on my part . The holidays my teens liked most are the short break airbnbs in places like Rome,Seville , Marrakech or even better Essaouira ( has the vibe of Marrakech but a great beach and surf school too). As much as they like the med villa laze by pool go out in evening after a week everyone is a bit bored . I try and come up with a shortlist and ask them . Although saying that we have just got back from cycling in the Hebrides with a mix of hotels and wild camping with the 16 and 18 year old who declared it the best holiday ever. And then the 20 year old moaned after that he would have liked to come ( we did ask him and got a staying at Uni / don’t want to cycle reply) so you can’t win ! Contrary creatures . 😅
How do you manage screen time for your teenagers whilst on hols? My 14yo is glued to her IPhone. I recently re-introduced a “digital sunset” and it’s a battle pretty much every evening …… when does it get easier?!
It never gets easier sadly but I spoke to many experts for my book about parenting teens and they all agreed no screens in bedrooms at night. It may cause awful scenes but as their brains are so ‘plastic’ in adolescence and their need for sleep is so vital it is the best parenting you will do. We suggest to ours on holiday that they need to gather for pivotal family moments minus phones eg a meal together, at least one card game or game. No phones on walks and air pods out. They moan, complain and try to avoid all the rules but we are firm - as they age we suggested they tell us how it could work better ? What time the ‘sunset’ would be and around 18 we let them have phones in their rooms but always reminded them how it would affect them too from the research we had done. But screens are not all bad: they are connecting to friends this way and also engaging with things they are interested in. I think as long as you create family rituals and moments for trips they can have phones happily.
It’s been too long & I think of you often; still- & always- reading your words & wit, & (try to) follow your advice!
Have you had any experience in or dealt with experts concerning Night Terrors or little ones seeing ghosts? It used to be amusing when my daughter was wee but now she’s 7 & it’s pretty scary for her. We try to diffuse the fears with humour & validation but it keeps occurring.
Hi Sophie I am not able to advise on this but there is an amazing child psychologist on Instagram and a best seller author @drmarthapsychologist who may have covered this
When mine were little we never did the kids club option as two of them refused to go or got very upset about being left anywhere so it is different for each child or family. I think the idea of a planned day and then a not planned day works (when you relax all routines) and do more things for you as well as the kids. I remember such early mornings on foreign holidays and think now I should have booked more staycations when they were little which were easier because they don't remember it and those 5am/6am starts were a killer. Going with similar aged children always helped a bit, especially for meals and really trying not to stick to all the routines and being led by the kids made everything easier when they were small.
Thank you, and I agree with you about staycations… although i find they can be more expensive than going abroad these days (particularly if the weather is bad and you’re paying for outings as well 😬)
How do you do hotels as a family of 5 (or 6 in your case!) Our 3 children are all under 5 and if we don’t want to pay mega bucks for a suite, are hotels just out of the question? Not that many seem to give adjoining rooms these days, or am I wrong?!
We gave up on hotels because it was so expensive and as they aged they all woke up at different times and breakfast became impossible. I think villas are more relaxing for the parents. Many hotels had a loose meaning when they said adjoining too! And in one place we booked it was just the room next door which I was a bit uncomfortable with as my son was a menace with keys! If you go on some of the parenting Facebook pages they have recommendations of hotels who do it well but we found it was the big chains mainly. I follow Courtney Adamo on Instagram and she is good on family trip advice (5 kids) and also MammaMia the Oz family wesbite and CupofJo in US have general advice but Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast is good on this too.
Just come to the end of a week in Portugal with husband, my mum and 3 teens. Staying close to family including cousins, similar age. Seeing family was really lovely but I feel as though mostly this was a waste of money. Teens spent a lot of time in their rooms on phones-same as at home. Came out for restaurants and to go out clubbing with cousins who live locally. Went to the beach a bit but no “self-starting.” How do you get them to organise their own activities? I had hoped they would ‘explore and discover’ independently…. am I expecting too much?!
I think yes - we expect them to think like adults but they are illogical because their brains are undergoing a complete rebuild from 12-25, and the middle bit of the teen years mean they simply don't have the neurology to make adult decisions so it won;' cross their minds to be self starting. We were discussing this yesterday when we left 2 teen boys in the house while we all went for a 3 hour walk with the dog and came back to find them in the same position we'd left them in on their phones despite offering a list of things they could do while we were out! If you discuss stuff in advance of the trip and find out what they like doing or really want to do it helps. But only my eldest now 19 is proactive but less so on a holiday. And it is ok for them to relax, to have this down time I think. Most experts I spoke to agreed on this. A flight attendant who is a mum wrote this for GH https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/travel/a30317914/how-to-travel-with-kids/
Ok will start this in the new term. Usually
I go round like a jailer grabbing or
even wrestling their phones off at bedtime!!!
wishing you luck - i wrote a chapter on this in the book and we went through a terrible time with our older 2 teens as we had to set the rules retrospectively which we didn't do with our two youngest. The therapist Lisa Damour is very good about how you do this on her podcast.
Thanks. I was even thinking of the simple things we used to do such as listening to music on the beach- now they have their phones to do that but can be doing so much more. Tempted to buy them all a Walkman!
I will listen to the podcast and need to buy your book 😜
Lorraine I know I’m late to the party on this but really keen to ask about the no phones in bedrooms at night. Is this just when it’s bedtime or from when they go upstairs? Want to introduce better habits to 14 year old - and myself! Don’t want the first thing we look at in the morn to be our phones
We ask that they don’t take phones to bed so never in their rooms over night until they get to 16 then it is more a negotiation and at 18 they can decide but they don’t usually have them on over night even then
Thanks Lorraine. Sounds like a plan, will give that a go. Feeling hopeful
Lorraine, do you not allow phones in bedrooms at night ever?! That’s amazing. I’ve given up with the 16 yr old but we are about to all have a week together and already I’m stressing about how to manage the wretched phones at night. We have 4 boys and I find it hard that the older 2 are on diff time zones, ie get to sleep around 12 or prob a bit later and want to wake up nearer midday too. Whilst the youngest 2 and myself are raring to go out. I guess compromise? Like the idea of cards. The 4 boy thing is a total pain as they are so competitive and just mean to each other 😤
I feel your pain! I have 3 girls and a boy but I have to say the girls are just as competitive with each other and the bickering was very annoying at times when they were early teens. I think at 16 you can say they could have phones in their rooms at weekends? I am less black and white on holidays as school takes it out of them and they need time to decompress the way that suits them. Cards games - especially long tournaments over the whole holiday always work for us, my 15yo son loves Gin Rummy for some reason which is the opposite of FiFa! I think advance discussions are the key - what you would like to happen each day, what they would like.
My 3 always had/ have to leave phones in kitchen at night until they were in 6th year ( 17/18 in Scotland) . Then like Lorraine with caveats of trying to introduce good phone habits before Uni . It’s a novelty then to start with and probably abused a bit but my son now 20 and at Uni is on his phone less as they prefer real person chat . I think the benefits outweigh the risks at that age ans they often surprise you how sensible and adult they are 🥰
Agreed. we worry alot about it but teens are good at making their own decisions if we let them do it and we encourage them as they get older
How do you decide locations for holidays? I’m keen for my 2 teens to experience different cultures but sometimes it’s difficult to not just head for the beachside all inclusive easy option.
When we went to Sri Lanka for my 50th we did one week of activity and one week villa by a beach. The activity one first which seemed to suit them all (they were aged 6, 16,15, 12 then).
We come here to Cornwall every summer (I grew up here and my family live here) and we have a a day on and a day off eg a day where they come and do activity with us and a day when they don't have to leave the house if they don't want to. I try to involve them in the planning of stuff and every new years day we make an inspo board as a family of a place we want to travel too and that focusses them and I get to hear when they like.
So hard finding a balance to suit everyone and often I’ve felt deflated after a meh holiday reaction and all the planning on my part . The holidays my teens liked most are the short break airbnbs in places like Rome,Seville , Marrakech or even better Essaouira ( has the vibe of Marrakech but a great beach and surf school too). As much as they like the med villa laze by pool go out in evening after a week everyone is a bit bored . I try and come up with a shortlist and ask them . Although saying that we have just got back from cycling in the Hebrides with a mix of hotels and wild camping with the 16 and 18 year old who declared it the best holiday ever. And then the 20 year old moaned after that he would have liked to come ( we did ask him and got a staying at Uni / don’t want to cycle reply) so you can’t win ! Contrary creatures . 😅
How do you manage screen time for your teenagers whilst on hols? My 14yo is glued to her IPhone. I recently re-introduced a “digital sunset” and it’s a battle pretty much every evening …… when does it get easier?!
It never gets easier sadly but I spoke to many experts for my book about parenting teens and they all agreed no screens in bedrooms at night. It may cause awful scenes but as their brains are so ‘plastic’ in adolescence and their need for sleep is so vital it is the best parenting you will do. We suggest to ours on holiday that they need to gather for pivotal family moments minus phones eg a meal together, at least one card game or game. No phones on walks and air pods out. They moan, complain and try to avoid all the rules but we are firm - as they age we suggested they tell us how it could work better ? What time the ‘sunset’ would be and around 18 we let them have phones in their rooms but always reminded them how it would affect them too from the research we had done. But screens are not all bad: they are connecting to friends this way and also engaging with things they are interested in. I think as long as you create family rituals and moments for trips they can have phones happily.
Hi Lorraine 👋🏼
It’s been too long & I think of you often; still- & always- reading your words & wit, & (try to) follow your advice!
Have you had any experience in or dealt with experts concerning Night Terrors or little ones seeing ghosts? It used to be amusing when my daughter was wee but now she’s 7 & it’s pretty scary for her. We try to diffuse the fears with humour & validation but it keeps occurring.
Any advice would be sincerely appreciated.
Sophie x
Hi Sophie I am not able to advise on this but there is an amazing child psychologist on Instagram and a best seller author @drmarthapsychologist who may have covered this
Thank you Lorraine. Immediately going to seek her out on your recommendation x
Any other tips for holidays with several littles much appreciated!
When mine were little we never did the kids club option as two of them refused to go or got very upset about being left anywhere so it is different for each child or family. I think the idea of a planned day and then a not planned day works (when you relax all routines) and do more things for you as well as the kids. I remember such early mornings on foreign holidays and think now I should have booked more staycations when they were little which were easier because they don't remember it and those 5am/6am starts were a killer. Going with similar aged children always helped a bit, especially for meals and really trying not to stick to all the routines and being led by the kids made everything easier when they were small.
Thank you, and I agree with you about staycations… although i find they can be more expensive than going abroad these days (particularly if the weather is bad and you’re paying for outings as well 😬)
How do you do hotels as a family of 5 (or 6 in your case!) Our 3 children are all under 5 and if we don’t want to pay mega bucks for a suite, are hotels just out of the question? Not that many seem to give adjoining rooms these days, or am I wrong?!
We gave up on hotels because it was so expensive and as they aged they all woke up at different times and breakfast became impossible. I think villas are more relaxing for the parents. Many hotels had a loose meaning when they said adjoining too! And in one place we booked it was just the room next door which I was a bit uncomfortable with as my son was a menace with keys! If you go on some of the parenting Facebook pages they have recommendations of hotels who do it well but we found it was the big chains mainly. I follow Courtney Adamo on Instagram and she is good on family trip advice (5 kids) and also MammaMia the Oz family wesbite and CupofJo in US have general advice but Happy Mum Happy Baby podcast is good on this too.
Thank you really helpful!
Just come to the end of a week in Portugal with husband, my mum and 3 teens. Staying close to family including cousins, similar age. Seeing family was really lovely but I feel as though mostly this was a waste of money. Teens spent a lot of time in their rooms on phones-same as at home. Came out for restaurants and to go out clubbing with cousins who live locally. Went to the beach a bit but no “self-starting.” How do you get them to organise their own activities? I had hoped they would ‘explore and discover’ independently…. am I expecting too much?!
I think yes - we expect them to think like adults but they are illogical because their brains are undergoing a complete rebuild from 12-25, and the middle bit of the teen years mean they simply don't have the neurology to make adult decisions so it won;' cross their minds to be self starting. We were discussing this yesterday when we left 2 teen boys in the house while we all went for a 3 hour walk with the dog and came back to find them in the same position we'd left them in on their phones despite offering a list of things they could do while we were out! If you discuss stuff in advance of the trip and find out what they like doing or really want to do it helps. But only my eldest now 19 is proactive but less so on a holiday. And it is ok for them to relax, to have this down time I think. Most experts I spoke to agreed on this. A flight attendant who is a mum wrote this for GH https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/travel/a30317914/how-to-travel-with-kids/
And we run a private Facebook group called Postcards From Midlife where parents advise each other and they have started some great teens and travel threads. https://www.facebook.com/groups/681448662400206/?notif_id=1593936450731109¬if_t=group_r2j_approved&ref=notif